Online Chatroom Game

I entered a chatroom in IRC. A local chatroom that I used to visit a few years ago. I'm surprised that its still alive after all the innovation in technology. I tried to chat up some girls and managed to find a decent girl with no ego and just enjoyable chat.

She's a nurse. I haven't seen her yet. We exchanged stories and have a lot in common. Everything is going smoothly. I made my statement of intent and not being "relationshipee". I wanted to see this interesting girl and asked for her facebook account. Turns out, she doesn't want to give hers. I was surprised. I thought I was doing it right but then she was defensive when I asked for her facebook account.

I tried to find the answers. And her answer still lingers in my head "You're hot in my mind and I don't want to mess what we have right now once you see how I look."

She's into me. I think its more fun now that we don't exchange facebook accounts. It turned me on that she thinks of me as a sexual man. As a hot man. I want to turn her on now that I know where I stand. Try to push things further and keep the mystery present by not being able to see how each of us look.

I learned to take it slow. Not seeing each other might be a good idea after all. It also converts to dating. Pushing for a date is not that good if there's no desire. Desire comes first. Built it. Turn her on. Once she asks for a date, turn it down. Turn her more some more until she begs for a date. Then you reward her with a date. Make her work. I will never make the same mistake again. I will not work or exert any effort in a relationship where the effort is not being reciprocated ever again.

I'm a lot wiser now.

A Gentleman Should Lead

A girl should make an effort for her to be invested in the interaction. While I was talking to this girl (let's call her Korean Fan Girl), we talked about korean language. Then comes the opportunity for me to make her do some effort by teaching me how to speak korean.

She doesn't want to teach me korean. Making excuses that she forgot. I made a joke, saying that I know some korean words like taekwondo and stuff. Funny stuff, but still not enough to make a conversation. While I was about to give up. I remember to lead. Lead by example. A gentleman should lead. So instead of nagging her to teach me korean. I taught her the only korean words I know, "Anyong haseo, it means hello in Korean", I said. She replied back in a Korean language and told her I didn't understand what she said and she end up teaching me what she meant.

I realized the most important thing here. Men should lead. If a girl tries to bail out on the conversation, it doesn't mean she's a bitch. She might be shy and you need to do things for her to open up. Such as, risking yourself to failure in a conversation, leading by example and having fun in the process.

I Shouldn't Have Ignored The Signs

I feel sad today. I have worse feelings before. But this one is like a backpack that's been on your back for several hours and there's a little pain that very uncomfortable. Its bearable but its annoying.

It goes back to the manager girl I dated. The first time she ignored me should have been my signal to step back and now. I made so much effort that I feel invested in her. Those efforts were not reciprocated equally and it hurts me.

I felt used. We made a deal to treat her to the first date. I paid all the tabs. Promising to treat me on the 2nd date. But the 2nd date didn't came. I learned a lot from this experience. Never plan for the future. Always be at the present. The first date is where its at. I should have made it a balanced effort. Now I felt used like a doormat.

Its a wake up call for me. Though I feel sad at the moment. I'm kind of happy because I was terrified of dating before. And now, I'm pretty confident to hold my own when it comes again and just be myself. I enjoyed myself on our date, though she seemed to be guarded, I feel my own self.

Advantages of Being Single

Yesterday was a revelation for me. Just like the sacred monks find oneness on the vast mountains of the earth. I found myself thinking and reflecting on things that have happened in the past few months as I walk my way to the top of a mountain.

I realized that this past few days. I became too needy with the girl I like. I ignored the signs that she wants to step back. Its because she was telling me in words that she still wants me to continue, I ignored her body language that she wants me to step back. I became too eager to enter a relationship. I became too needy. And I lost track of my goals. There are advantages to being single and I forgot that its a lifestyle that I'm a better fit in than settling down. Because of that girl, I temporarily forgotten the reason for all of this. Because of that girl, I lowered my standards for her. Which I admit is wrong.

The girls that I meet are for developing my skills in the art of seduction. But the journey has been wonderful so far that I can't help fall in love with some of them along the way. Women are beautiful creatures. I love them. Some of them are really marriage material but I end up messing it up because of me too eager for a long term relationship or its just that I don't have enough experience to keep them.

I realized that being single gives me more freedom to do what I want. There are a lot of hobbies that I can do easily alone than with a partner. Especially if your partner is as busy as a bee, you will only end up drifting apart as you are either forced to do it alone or not do it at all.

I realized that there needs to be alot of soul searching to be made. Realizing that I don't have any control of what happens in the future makes me want to think of the now. I can not control how people feel about me. I can only help them and show them who I really am. And realizing that people have different wants and needs at a different time, there's really no telling if you're meant for each other or not. That is why, I think, that you need to think and let the girl think about it over and just let the pieces fall where they may. She will realize how valuable you are sooner or later and you will realize that there are a lot of quality women out there that you don't need to lower your standards for just because society says you need to settle down at this age.

Reverse Phone Number Close?

I went to the bank and was greeted by a cute representative. "I would like to deposit this check", I said. And before I know it, we are talking about my business and how she wants to have the same business as well. I told her, I can teach her if she wants if she would introduce me to the gorgeous colleague I saw a few days earlier. She agreed. She said "You always said that you'll teach me how, but you never really did it as if you're teasing me...". I said, "I will teach you. You have my number right?". She said, "I don't have it yet... Could you right it down here?".

Is it luck? Is it fate? I'm starting to think that I'm a ladies man. I would like to think that I'm a ladies man. But what happened here, just blew my mind. I wasn't even making much effort.

Responded Positively

The Manager Girl responded positively yesterday. She was sorry for ignoring my texts. And I was happy she understood it. I don't want to push my values on people. I just told her what I like and don't like about her. I'm not expecting her to change for me. I'm just voicing out what I feel. And she was sorry because she was busy. I also called out a lie that she made. I felt good that I have stood up to my values. I wouldn't be able to do it before with beautiful women. I feel that I'm beginning to mature in the right way and as time goes by, I'm beginning to be more comfortable being myself around people, especially women.

The Karate Girl is hitting on me! Not literally, it would hurt. Yesterday, she was showing me pictures of her. In which, for me was odd. Why would you want me to look at your pictures? Oh wait, I know, she's qualifying to me. She's trying to prove to me that she's beautiful. And she is... It was fun because I kept on making fun of her based on the pictures that I see.

On the other hand, my friend is in pain. I know there's no hope for him now. He didn't listen to what I have to say. I told him not to pamper the girl, not to be too nice, not to do things for her without her giving an effort back. People will take advantage of you, consciously or subconsciously. And most of the time, its not their fault, its just human nature. I always want people to do something for me. I'm a lazy motherf*cker. And high value men assume that people will do things for him and in return do things for the other person. Its just a way of making things balanced. Its a zen thing.

I Laid Down the Rules

I laid down the rules for the manager girl. She changed. She was so sweet before. But now she's just being rude and ignores me. I felt I could have handled the situation smoothly... But I can't get her to reply so I decided to bring it all down.

Right now, my heart is in pain. I know I can lose this girl because she's not the real sweet girl that I like. The real her was rude and didn't even want to text. The girl I like was sweet and thoughtful and always wants to text me. Walking away is hard. But I have to. I want to be happy and I know what I want.

Its hard walking away when you have made an effort into the interaction. I thought hard of things to say, she rewarded me with sweet things and now, I'm committed to her interaction. Now that I know and realize this, I won't make any effort for her so I won't get committed more and more.