The Search for Charisma

Is charisma something you are born with? Is it some kind of a gift from the Gods that only a few people manage to receive and live a life of pure pleasure and success?

These are the questions that come into my mind whenever I get rejected by girls that I like. I used to think that charisma was something you are born with, a blessing from the gods. But recently, I realized that charisma is a skill that can be learned.

I have discovered that being charismatic have 3 important recipe; Presence, Power and Warmth.

Presence is the most important of the 3. Its the sense of being in the moment. To focus your attention to a girl or an activity. I like girls that are so deep into an activity. They are attractive during those times. And I found out the reason why. It is presence. Presence makes people feel special. It is not compliments that make them feel happy. It is your undivided attention. It is the unspoken language. It is what makes people see you as different.

Power makes people feel secure around you. Power gives people the impression that you can change their lives. Power is not merely seen by being in a position of authority. Although most of the time it is. Power is in the ease of movement and being relaxed in every moment. Power to master your emotions and to protect your confidence. Power is to how good is your body language to project charm. Power can also be seen and expressed by having intelligence and money. Power for me, is being relaxed at all times.

Warmth makes people want to like you. If power is the ability to change a person's life, it is in 2 ways, good or bad. People want the good and warmth gives them the assurance that you're in for the better. It cements your charm into them. You are powerful but at the same time you won't do anything bad for them. In fact, you'll do good things for them. They will stick around.

Confess love or Not

If there is one guy that I would listen to all day about charisma and seduction. It is this guy. Wayne Elise. I have huge respect for the guy.

The Zen of Confidence

I have been following a korean pop idol. I don't usually behave like this because I used to believe that all idols are just a bunch of teenage premadonnas who know how to sing and dance.

But there is one particular male idol that caught my attention. He is not manly in any way and behaves like a gay person. But one thing that surprised me was that he has confidence. Whatever he does, be it wacky funny, gay acting or dancing, he makes it look that he is not pretending to be anybody. Not trying to be someone else. Or not trying to fit in what an idol should be - sexy, manly man. And because of that, I'm sold.

He has this 100 rules of life that he posted in a wall. That he tries to follow and what he thinks should be to guide him to be a perfect person. There is one particular rule in this that caught my attention and that all men should strive hard for.

Instead of trying to be the best, to do one's best.
To be confident that you are the best, yet be humble.
To treat women like rocks (do not be seduced by their beauty)
To be careful with women that likes men. And avoid these types of women.

I only posted 4 of my favorites and I think every man should remember. Or perhaps we should also make a 100 rules of life for us to live by.

You Have to Have A Goal. But Be Goal-less Doing It...

Its like a zen thing. To be able to achieve your goal in the most, non-restricting and confident manner (such as wooing a woman) you have to be goalless. I just realized the value of this approach. Being goalless opens your mind. You are not attached to the outcome. And so, you do things and say things as it flows. You become adaptive to what is happening. You become enveloped in the now. You experience things at the present and that makes every conversation unique and powerful. Not to mention its also fun.

I am pursuing this woman that used to be my childhood sweet heart. I used to be careful replying and conversing with her because I don't want to mess this up again. Until I snapped.. I don't want to work anymore. Thinking of what to say, I said to myself "Fuck that. I'm gonna say what I want to say. As long as I don't hurt another human being, expressing my desires should be my top priority." To be accepted or rejected is irrelevant. To express yourself is a must.

This is like a eureka moment for me. The conversation became more unique. And I think we connected emotionally because of that..

From now on, I will promise to be honest to how I feel. As long as I don't hurt people to what I will say, I will say it. Expressing my desires. What I want. In the most emotional words I can come up with. Being accepted or rejected is irrelevant. Being able to express myself is attractive. Having a goal is nice. But being goalless means you are not attached to anything. It makes you feel free and live in the present. It makes any interaction with other people genuine.

While Walking Today... A Girl Called Me...

I was walking... Going home from a small quick meal from a fast food... Two girls, smiling and giggling. The beautiful of the two, long hair, wearing pink shirt that fits her body really well and a denim short that shows her legs, stared at me.. Really hot. The other girl was a 6. The hot girl,  smiling. In an inviting manner. I made her know that I noticed her but still I went on my way a few steps more. Until she "psst...", "psssttt...". I looked at the corner of my eye and I saw her looking at me and pulling at her friend to look at me. I smiled and said "Hi. What's your name?"


I think she was surprised. I might be the first one to approach her that boldly. I think she is making fun of guys by doing that kind of thing. She said "Why??! Why are you asking me?". I said, "Well, you were calling me back there aren't you?"... Smiling, she said "No... I'm sorry...". I said, "Well, ok...". I think she was just joking... Just when I went on and continue my way she said "I'm Sheena" and ran like a little girl with a crush..

I have a feeling that if I walk the same road tomorrow. I might be able to see her again. She's one hot girl. I wouldn't mind getting to know her more. And probably ask her to eat with me on the fast food. :)

Online Chatroom Game

I entered a chatroom in IRC. A local chatroom that I used to visit a few years ago. I'm surprised that its still alive after all the innovation in technology. I tried to chat up some girls and managed to find a decent girl with no ego and just enjoyable chat.

She's a nurse. I haven't seen her yet. We exchanged stories and have a lot in common. Everything is going smoothly. I made my statement of intent and not being "relationshipee". I wanted to see this interesting girl and asked for her facebook account. Turns out, she doesn't want to give hers. I was surprised. I thought I was doing it right but then she was defensive when I asked for her facebook account.

I tried to find the answers. And her answer still lingers in my head "You're hot in my mind and I don't want to mess what we have right now once you see how I look."

She's into me. I think its more fun now that we don't exchange facebook accounts. It turned me on that she thinks of me as a sexual man. As a hot man. I want to turn her on now that I know where I stand. Try to push things further and keep the mystery present by not being able to see how each of us look.

I learned to take it slow. Not seeing each other might be a good idea after all. It also converts to dating. Pushing for a date is not that good if there's no desire. Desire comes first. Built it. Turn her on. Once she asks for a date, turn it down. Turn her more some more until she begs for a date. Then you reward her with a date. Make her work. I will never make the same mistake again. I will not work or exert any effort in a relationship where the effort is not being reciprocated ever again.

I'm a lot wiser now.

A Gentleman Should Lead

A girl should make an effort for her to be invested in the interaction. While I was talking to this girl (let's call her Korean Fan Girl), we talked about korean language. Then comes the opportunity for me to make her do some effort by teaching me how to speak korean.

She doesn't want to teach me korean. Making excuses that she forgot. I made a joke, saying that I know some korean words like taekwondo and stuff. Funny stuff, but still not enough to make a conversation. While I was about to give up. I remember to lead. Lead by example. A gentleman should lead. So instead of nagging her to teach me korean. I taught her the only korean words I know, "Anyong haseo, it means hello in Korean", I said. She replied back in a Korean language and told her I didn't understand what she said and she end up teaching me what she meant.

I realized the most important thing here. Men should lead. If a girl tries to bail out on the conversation, it doesn't mean she's a bitch. She might be shy and you need to do things for her to open up. Such as, risking yourself to failure in a conversation, leading by example and having fun in the process.